Read and Think: Mommy Wars

Today's post has nothing to do with my apartment and everything to do with the home I wish to someday create. Have you heard about the "mommy wars"? Everyone from Ann Romney to Time magazine has gotten pulled into the debate one way or the other. Work full-time or stay-at-home? Breast-feed or use formula? If you breast feed, for how long? Do you let your kid cry it out or let them sleep in your bed? To spank or not to spank? To ground or not to ground? So many issues that we can disagree about, and ultimately, it all feels so counter-feminist to me, so unproductive. As a working woman who (currently) plans to continue working for awhile, I wrestle with the very idea of the choices I'll face when I have children. But isn't the very goal of feminism — and of equality — that I get to make that decision? I'm not naive enough to believe that I can be at every carpool, bring every forgotten lunch or tuck them in every night if I work 5 days a week. But maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to work and be the mother I hope to one day be. We'll see.

Human Nature

I am rarely one to write about politics and controversy, and much has been said about Penn State. The atrocities those boys experienced are unimaginable. All should be able to agree that what happened to them was undeniably wrong, horrific and tragic. What most cannot seem to agree on was the responsibility and guilt of Joe Paterno—and the rest of the staff with knowledge of Sandusky's actions.

Most of that discussion I leave to lawyers, victims and sportscasters. But this week, I found David Brooks' op-ed both thought-provoking and challenging. His basic arguments are far more eloquent than my summary, but essentially most people have higher moral expectations of themselves than their actual behaviors. In this case, most of us believe that we would have told police, turned in Sandusky and saved the day. We say we would theoretically take one high-minded action, yet when faced with the reality of the decision, often take a neutral or contrary action. We do not step in. We do not save the day. Obviously there are exceptions to this, people we usually deem "heroes." But basic human nature is far darker than our society is willing to acknowledge. Brooks argues that the first step in actually preventing tragedies like this is admitting our own weakness. It's the first voice I've read with a solution that goes beyond justice. 

Commentators ruthlessly vilify all involved from the island of their own innocence. Everyone gets to proudly ask: "How could they have let this happen?" 

The proper question is: How can we ourselves overcome our natural tendency to evade and self-deceive? That was the proper question after Abu Ghraib, Madoff, the Wall Street follies and a thousand other scandals. But it's a question this society has a hard time asking because the most seductive evasion is the one that leads us to deny the underside of our own nature.

This had nothing to do with design or travel or any of the other things that bring me happiness. It just made me think.

Newsstand: Bike NYC

As a newly-minted bicyclist, I enjoyed Frank Bruni's op-ed yesterday about Janette Sadik-Kahn and New York City's increased bike lanes and push toward fewer cars. The city is gradually becoming a much friendlier place to ride on two wheels. Of course, it doesn't always feel that way commuting in the morning along Central Park South...

I like Bruni's quote of Gabe Klein, the Chicago transportation commissioner, who noted that biking was an antidote to many modern ills: “There’s the congestion problem,” he said. “The pollution problem. The obesity problem. The gas problem.”

Biking is really a great way to accomplish so many things at once: get where you want to go, exercise, save money and help the environment. Saturday, J and I rode our bikes up through Harlem to Hamilton Heights, then cut over to the Hudson River up to Washington Heights. On the way back, we cut through Columbia and Morningside Heights. We enjoyed the opportunity to get outside, breathe the fresher air, and explore uptown. I've gone on a couple biking trips in foreign countries over the years, and it's one of the best ways to see a place. You can cover a lot of ground and yet go slow enough to experience your surroundings, even to stop and check out places en route. All of this is to say that I'm thankful we have bikes and excited to continue exploring our city.

Midcentury Lovin'

Midcentury style and the color aqua are two of my favorite things. (I find it fortuitous that the color was so prevalent during the 50s and 60s.) Consequently, this article in the NYTimes made my heart pitter-patter for so many reasons.

(Photo by Nancy Palmieri for The New York Times)

Blogger Pam Kueber began Retro Renovation in 2007 and it's become the go-to place for midcentury homeowners and enthusiasts. Whether they're hunting for a vintage pink tile resource or light fixtures to complement a 1950s bungalow, "Midcentury Modest" homeowners turn to Kueber—and her dozens of other bloggers—for help. It's a place to share the tips and trials of restoring a midcentury home to an authentic state. Kueber's long-sought, turquoise set of steel kitchen cabinets make me absolutely envious!

Monday Newsstand

(Photo courtesy of AntyDiluvian)

Here are some of the articles that piqued my interest or amused me today:

• Great profile of J. Crew's creative director Jenna Lyons in New York Mag
• Virginia Heffernan on whether Facebook birthday greetings are a touch of "humanness" or fake "social capital"
• Warren Buffet's op-ed on why the super-rich don't need any tax favors
• GOOD's story about an interactive tool to compare "affordable" housing in NYC neighborhoods
• A beautiful, brief history of menu design, and what it shows about our economy and culture, from Brain Pickings

Luxe Life

Photo by Panoramic Images

A family friend was in town this week, and at dinner one night, we talked about good places to shop in the city. As we discussed good thrift stores, fun boutiques, the expensive and quirky glories of SoHo (above), et al, I realized that I do most of my shopping online. I live in the fashion capital of the country, if not the world, and I still usually shop on my laptop. I know, I know...

But today, I saw two articles that were slightly troubling or encouraging, depending on your perspective. The first is a piece on Smart Money about how online retailers will soon have to start charging state sales tax. That will definitely cramp my style in more ways than one. (In case you wondered, some of my current favorite sites are Anthropologie, Amazon, Gilt Groupe, Blue Fly, the Foundary, Net-A-Porter and Zappos.)

The other was in the NYTimes about the upswing in high-end designer shopping. Retailers like Neiman Marcus and Barney's are having trouble keeping some of their most high-end items in stock. It looks like as the economy creeps back to recovery, the wealthier Americans are getting more optimistic with their purchases. I wonder, though, if it reflects a new valuing of things that will last longer, since you never know when you'll have the money to replace it. Either way, I confess I'd sure love to be able to afford a pair of Louboutins!